I don't believe in many things but in you, I do.

I'm so much more nervous now that I know you mean what you say.

I don't know how that works but I guess before, I was resigned to the fact that nothing would happen. So I didn't have the stress of hoping.

I sat on my beanbag this morning with my cuppa tea and rolling up me cigs as I do every morning. And I thought about when we were playing lego star wars and I kept running forward so that you'd fall off the edge. And we both laughed. Was thinking about it for a minute or so then realised I had the biggest smile on my face.

On Saturday it will be 3 weeks to go.

I do believe in you so much I can't even explain. And I know deep down inside me, that you are capable of doing this. You deserve it. You deserve your life back.

Like I said to you, don't sit around wallowing and thinking everything is your fault. Think of such things as things you can fix. Because you can you know.

It's true I've been through a lot of pain with this thing. If you were to ask me what you could do to make it up to me, I'd say ' make yourself happy '. Thats all.

I'll never take your freedom. I want you to keep it.

Even though I believe in you like this, it still makes me nervous. A bit like half an hour before you go into an exam you know full well you're going to more than likely pass and then some. Still get that feeling in your tummy.

I don't know how to explain anything I'm feeling at the moment. For once, I can't explain in any concise or coherant way.

It's just a mess of thoughts and nerves.

I hope you know that whatever you needed after you've done it. I'll be there if its me that you need. If you want to come cuddle but not talk. I'll be there. If you want to just sit in my room with me and not cuddle. I'm there. If you want to just play silly computer games with me and smile and laugh and relax. I'm there for that too.

You're not alone.

I think your best course of action is to ask that friend of yours to visit you. And then explain to him.

3 weeks to go. It's going so fast.

Don't lay down and take it, stand up for what is yours. Don't just try. Don't think about it. Please do it.

You're so much more than all of this.